199+ Colonoscopy Jokes for Patients, Docs & Brave Souls In 2025

If you’re searching for colonoscopy jokes that’ll make even your doctor crack a smile, you’ve found the right gut-busting spot!

In 2025, humor is the best sedative—so whether you’re prepping for your first procedure, guiding nervous patients, or just have a twisted sense of humor, these jokes are for you.

From patient punchlines to doctor-approved zingers, we’ve scoped out the funniest, most relatable content to lighten the mood.

So grab your gown (and your dignity) and prepare to laugh your end off—because nothing says “I’m ready” like a good colonoscopy joke!

😂 Colonoscopy Joke Meme

Here are 15 meme-style colonoscopy jokes that are perfect for sharing:

💉 That awkward moment when your colonoscopy gets more likes than your vacation photos.
🧻 My colonoscopy video just got picked up by Netflix — it’s called “Behind the Scenes.”
🚽 Colonoscopy: the only time someone genuinely wants to see your crap.
📸 Smile! This camera goes where no selfie stick has dared to go.
🩺 Prep day: where Gatorade becomes your best friend and the toilet your soulmate.
🤖 If R2-D2 did colonoscopies, he’d still need therapy.
🥴 Colonoscopy: the adult version of hide and seek.
📅 My colonoscopy was scheduled right after Taco Tuesday. Big mistake.
🧼 Nothing says “clean start” like 24 hours of liquid chaos.
🎥 They filmed my colonoscopy. It’s now a horror short on YouTube.
🕵️‍♂️ If Sherlock Holmes had a colonoscope, he’d say, “Elementary, my dear bowel.”
🫗 Nothing clears your schedule like colonoscopy prep. Literally.
🍲 Clear liquids only? My dinner looked like depression.
💩 Colonoscopy: proof that what’s inside really counts.
🧠 You never realize how much junk is in your body until it’s all gone in 12 hours.

🎤 Jeff Foxworthy Colonoscopy Joke

Redneck comedy meets medical reality. Here’s Jeff Foxworthy-style colonoscopy humor:

🧢 If you’ve ever mistaken a colonoscope for a phone charger, you might need a colonoscopy.
🪑 If your doctor says “drop your pants” and you say “yee-haw,” it’s colonoscopy time.
🐓 If you asked if prep includes fried chicken, it might be your first time.
📺 If you brought a TV remote to the procedure, thinking it’s for changing the channel inside you…
🚜 If your prep is just moonshine and regrets, you’re doing it wrong.
🛻 If your cousin’s doing the colonoscopy in his truck, you’re not at a clinic.
🦌 If you invited the doctor to go hunting after, you might be a redneck.
🎣 If your colonoscopy involves a fishing pole, please call 911.
🔦 If you think colonoscopy is just a fancy word for flashlight spelunking…
🏠 If your prep involves duct tape, a plunger, and a prayer, run.
🧊 If you chilled your prep fluid in a beer cooler… classic move.
🎤 If you told your doctor “I do my best thinking on the toilet,” well…
🐖 If pigs outnumber people at your clinic, it may not be a clinic.
📞 If you called your colon “the business end,” that’s peak redneck.
🧻 If your family brings wet wipes as a good luck gift — they care.

🖼 Cartoon Colonoscopy Joke

A dose of animated-style humor that belongs in the Sunday comics:

🐱 Tom & Jerry’s colonoscopy: Jerry hides, Tom regrets.
🐭 Mickey canceled his colonoscopy because “it was too Goofy.”
🧸 Winnie the Pooh prepped with nothing but honey.
🤠 Woody said, “There’s a camera in my boot — oh wait, wrong end!”
🦆 Daffy Duck’s colonoscopy turned into Looney Tunes.
🐷 Porky Pig: “Th-th-th-that’s all, doc!”
🦊 Dora explored a little too far this time.
🧽 SpongeBob did fine — he’s already square and empty.
🧍‍♂️ Family Guy’s Stewie: “What fresh dystopia is this?”
🧚‍♀️ Tinkerbell: “Sprinkle some pixie dust and call it a cleanse.”
🪄 Harry Potter’s spell: “En-clean-us intestinalis!”
🚪 Scooby-Doo’s mystery van ended up in the GI lab.
🌳 Groot only said “I am clean.”
🧝‍♂️ Legolas tried to shoot the scope. Wrong kind of bow.
🐉 Toothless had a fire-breathing prep. Not advised.

🎬 Woody Allen Colonoscopy Joke

💬 “I wasn’t afraid of death until I realized it starts with colon prep.”
🍷 “My colonoscopy was so thorough, I’m now legally married to the scope.”
🛋 “I asked my therapist if Freud had opinions on fiber. He referred me to a gastroenterologist.”
📖 “Colonoscopy: a novel experience in existential dread and Gatorade.”
🎭 “My colon and I are no longer on speaking terms.”
🧠 “The procedure went well, but the scope now has anxiety.”
📚 “In hindsight, I should’ve read Kafka’s Digestive Trials before going in.”
🛑 “I tried to overthink my colonoscopy. My colon out-thought me.”
🧃 “The nurse said ‘clear liquids,’ and I asked if emotional tears count.”
🖋 “It was less Annie Hall and more Any Hole.”
🧳 “I brought a bag packed with neuroses and wet wipes.”
🛏 “Colonoscopy: proof that overthinking can’t plug every hole.”
🧼 “I was so clean, even my neuroses were sterilized.”
🎥 “If Bergman directed colonoscopies, it’d still be less awkward.”
📖 “Colonoscopy: the final chapter in my autobiography of anxiety.”

👩‍⚕️ Female Colonoscopy Joke

Jokes with a women-first voice that many can relate to:

💋 I wore lipstick to my colonoscopy — priorities.
👜 They said “nothing inside,” so I left my emotions at home too.
👠 My colonoscopy prep was the first detox that actually worked.
👗 I asked for a backless gown in black — I’m a classy patient.
🧘‍♀️ Nothing says zen like a deep breath and a camera up your rear.
🍷 I tried to prep with wine. They said, “Nice try, ma’am.”
🧁 Clear liquids? What am I, a ghost on a diet?
💇‍♀️ I got my hair done before my colonoscopy. Because confidence starts from within.
📵 No phones allowed during the procedure — but what if I want to tweet my bowel’s last words?
🧼 I’ve never been this clean since I was born.
👩‍⚕️ I told the doctor, “You better call before you enter.”
👖 Wearing skinny jeans to a colonoscopy is called self-sabotage.
📚 Read “Fifty Shades of Barium” while waiting. Not recommended.
🤷‍♀️ My colonoscopy had more twists than my dating life.
🥂 Celebrated the end of prep with toast… dry toast.

🏷 Is There a Cheaper Way to Do This Colonoscopy Joke

Humor for the budget-conscious and medically curious:

💸 Can I just swallow a camera and mail it back?
🪠 DIY colonoscopy kit: duct tape, flashlight, and regret.
📦 I found a Groupon for two-for-one scopes. Anyone want to split?
🧽 Tried a car wash hose first. Not recommended.
🥤 If I drink enough vinegar and stare at the sun, will it work?
📉 Colonoscopy cost me more than my college degree.
💳 My credit card cried louder than I did.
🪙 Can I just do a deep cleanse and call it even?
🧂 Himalayan salt cleanse ≠ colonoscopy. Learned that the hard way.
📞 Called tech support to ask if my webcam works for internal use. They hung up.
🪑 Craigslist colonoscopies are not a good deal.
🧻 Reused prep supplies. Doctor was not amused.
📼 Asked if VHS scopes are cheaper. Doc said “only for dinosaurs.”
🚗 Tried trading my car for a free colonoscopy. Dealer said “No thanks.”
💰 Found a $20 version in a van. Woke up in a Taco Bell.

🇺🇸 Biden Colonoscopy Joke

Political humor, Joe Biden style:

🥴 “This colon’s older than half the Senate.”
🕶 “I told Jill I was going in for a peek — she said ‘Don’t fall asleep in there.’”
🇺🇸 “My colon’s got more executive orders than Congress.”
🚴‍♂️ “One time I rode my bike so hard, the scope came out the other end.”
🗳 “They found some votes in there. From 1992.”
👴 “Corn Pop used to talk about fiber — tough guy.”
🎤 “Malarkey? More like bowel-arkey!”
🧻 “Wrote an infrastructure bill for my intestines. Needed fixing.”
🧠 “Did I do the colonoscopy or did the colonoscopy do me?”
🏛 “I declared it a national cleanse.”
🕰 “Takes a while at my age. Gotta find the colon first.”
🛌 “Slept through the whole thing. Best nap in years.”
🏈 “Felt like the NFL replay cam went rogue.”
🍦 “Rewarded myself with ice cream. Doctor said no. I vetoed him.”
🧴 “Prep juice? Tasted like diplomacy with Russia.”

🎙 Ali Wong Colonoscopy Joke

Sassy, sharp, and unapologetic — Ali Wong style:

👠 “I feel like my colonoscopy should at least end in dinner and a kiss.”
🍜 “That prep drink had the taste of failure and miso soup.”
🤰 “I’ve pushed out a baby. You think a tube scares me?”
👩‍👧 “Left my kid with my mom. Came back cleaner and calmer than ever.”
📢 “My colonoscopy was the only time I was speechless — and that says a lot.”
💅 “Got my nails done right after. No trauma shall go unmanicured.”
💃 “I danced through prep like it was a Beyoncé concert. With more bathroom breaks.”
🍹 “They said ‘liquid diet’ — I asked for tequila.”
🧠 “Colonoscopy taught me humility. And how to run to the bathroom in heels.”
🎭 “It was like off-Broadway surgery. Minimal acting, major drama.”
📚 “I took a book. Didn’t get past page one. Nature had other plans.”
🧂 “Wanted to season the prep. Doctor said ‘No sass in the scope.’”
🧻 “Bathroom trips were like CrossFit. But smellier.”
🎤 “Colonoscopy jokes? I live them, honey.”
👖 “Got scoped and still fit in skinny jeans. Victory.”